弃婴千枝 写了： 2024年 10月 11日 11:21
泰国确实不行吖，连个像样的研究都没有，而且人极其浮躁，以前认识一泰国人，航空地勤的，以为我也是泰国的，我说我china，立马一脸鄙夷地说你们china的飞机全copy paste，我说china copy paste都paste出隐身战机了，你们泰国人到今天连自行车都不会造。
你妈的真是一方水土养一方人。
再说你的ball bearing，优点是响应快，输出猛，但是寿命短，目前主要用在赛车上，反正赛车也就工作半个小时到几小时，根本不需要考虑寿命，家用车需要工作10万英里以上，而且turbo转速10-20万转每分，你ball bearing能坚持？
你跟我说这些也真没意义啊，我就是个穷鬼中华土鳖，ball bearing turbo 我是只眼红从来买不起，寿命当然没主观印象了。但你说寿命几小时您是煞笔么？无数人开着G25 daily grocery getter，这G25 出来大爆热门也好几年了，只听说发动机跟不上涡轮发动机撑不住，还从来没听说G25-660 “几小时” 寿命。咱们就说吧，土国无锡后门流出的，一大堆小作坊仿制的外贸涡轮，不用ball bearing。 的也都不好意思见人，只能卖给我这种中华穷鬼土鳖。东南亚人当然是日系hks 或者加雷特g30，g35，欧洲西友喜欢的g25 在东南亚都没大见过，他们觉得g25 太小了
作为一个奴隶命的犭中犭华人，我当然拼了命都想能加入东南亚阵营了，可惜东南亚不是移民国度，就算有钱西商都得好多年投资排队拉关系才能入籍，我当然是不可能了。您可以骂我compatriot 自骂虫华，但是我倒真想代表东南亚，可惜我这辈子是代表不了了。。。
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俄最厌恶political-但既然有人在把我排出中华了，咱贴一下最近在fb 上写的简短bio，咱是受到了虫华和傣华的亲切“对待”的，也只有我这种同胞才会有这些切身体会吧。
Quote Transguru: what are the major causes for detransitioning? - Me: Social oppression and persecuted, I can't think any other reasons as I'm fully awared I must transition since I'm 4( also my earliest memory I could recall, I remember was reading Chinese manga and super confused which gender I could immerse me, lol ), long before even near adolescence - thus I know against common stereotype: that desire to transition has to do with sexual desires? Nah don't know a thing when I was 4. And incompatible mind - body was so tortuing beyond imaginination, brain when complete self-contradicted, frazzled and couldn't keep up anymore, will serious uncontrollably start hurting myself. It's much painful than terminal disease. Thus I'll try to transition until success, or wouldn't stop trying even to the d-word.
Talk about pains' details. Since from 4 yrs old( my earliest memory as said above ). My mind subconsciously percieved mind - body as two contradicting entities, mind think m body as very disgusting, but any accomplishment I achieved, the disgusting m body would took all credits. And everything I did wrong, I'll took all harsh blaming. Mind would try "revenge" and hurt the body, for example I'm scared of bugs, dark, my own m-body, I once so loved devoted to my parents, my mind will start extensively think of scary bugs... my m-body features organs... think my parents painful d-word scenes... And you could see mind ended all self-injuring. And these will escalate since I'm 9 to a degree, I could sometimes constantly painful and collapsed all day long. Even when I was cautiously street-crossing, my mind will try to torture and complete impair the m-body, and in the painful chaotic head made me completely lost breath and fell, and was run-over by a lorry. NO I didn't thought s-word back then! And gaud may enjoy watching my awful self-hurting continues as entertainment, and decided I'm still alive... Strange divine taste. To fight those scary actions, it's like OCD to the extreme and I'm Don Chixote fighting tons invisible enemies every day. They maybe fake I completely understood everything, I know what's actually going on, but still exhausted myself everyday just to keep wondering alive. Because mind-body contradiction is MUCH MORE unbearable. Suffering is anything but also paralyzing the head and ease a lil from mind-body clashes.
When I opened up to my parents, I tried if medical professional could "cure" my mind, but sadly homo sapiens nowhere near technology level to positively change the brain. Been to many "renowned" hospitals and doctors and none could help. Thus I know I could only try save & borrow for surgery for trnsition, that's the only way; or go out.
But you know what, current medical tech level could never positively manipulate change one's mind, but if talk about brainwashing and brain degenarate, homo sapiens have been doing since ancient. Large dosage sedative/anaesthesia could complete wipe your memories, large dosage you won't know anything from that point onwards, and huge dosage you won't even remember your name again. To silence one minority brain is even easier - homo sapiens have using weapons to do so to fellow since millennium ago, and still doing so.
Even it is me first suggested my parents I wanna seek if any dictor could ease my pain so I might possible live without transition, but since no medical could capable doing so, I'm completely collapsed, you wouldn't want to know the physical cruelty I have to endure, because of this contradicting mind-body.
And my parents suddenly sedated me, I've lost complete memories from now on because huge dosage sedative the doctor gave to my parents, and later IV maintained sedation. I only remember very dirty smooth muscle disabled and very heavy fever-like symptoms. You know sedatives at least includes certain drugs, govs forbidden normie sheeple to buy calling them very-illegal drugs, but some doctors could legally use them for money, for fun themselves, for brainwashing some innocent.
My parents sent me to cheap asylum. I was prisoned 4 yrs. You know what many had prejuidice Chinois gov was authoritarian and bad? Let me tell you my opinion it's never the gov. The left "commi" although only existed as formalism, no Chinese believe anymore, had left China basically healthy legal laws. I could change my gender in registration, very easy, family wise there aren't too much help but also any social persecution would be punishable. What worst is Chinese people - normal Chinese people and sociaty. Chinese are very traditional minded, very hostile to each other, and over-practicalism only worships money - they don't know what is commi, but money - is their only gaud and solely worshipped!
Cheap asylum doctors, nurses drugged me( everyday 20+ tablets questionable cheap psychotric drug, some are for unrelated depression etc. and very cheap ineffective ), electrocuting( usually LV, if resist - if could be AC HV helmet, whole body shaking and crazy ) me for 4 years. My parents happy for some cheap cost they could jail me and kept me away, murdering me would be a lil too dangerous if exposed, and maybe someday in the prison I could agree de-transition be obedient "normal child" ). Even my mom doesn't know by then, my pa since knowing I want to transition, already disappointed, and secretly had affair(s) had another son. My mom wants me prisoned purely outta Chinese hatred to LGBT+. All my relatives and neighbours cheered they heard I'm ( illegally) prisoned, they cheering another "abnormal" has been dealt with, my uncle was one of the gang kidnapping me, he was so excited; they think all "abnormals" should die and extinct. Modern Chinese fellas use most disgusting words to describe Trans, I don't wanna quote.
And did I tell you? My family is a police family, most my relatives worked in police or court legal careers. Fighting my own relatives is very difficult. But I also have known some picking, hacking, forensic knowledge. The first 3 yrs, I finally got chance hidden some handmade tooling, and succeed opened my lock cell door, and complete manipulate several more doors. I threatened asylum you better kill me or some day I might release everyone( there were some accomplished loner engineer, got fight with boss, then sedated and thrown in; some old loner grandpa have inherited good real estate, was sedated by his sister and thrown in, and now it's not legally but effectively - his sister's real estate. In under-developed potion of China, cheap asylum is your private jail, everyone could kidnapp every weak ); they were shocked. They contacted my parents and I was drugged again, thrown to another asylum.
Same story. The second asylum, Docs and Nurses soon found I was enjoying female nurse outfit LOL and some their critical documents and equipment. Was thrown out. And start fight and suing my parents.
At first I fake to my parents I might concede to transition, I might agree look for marriage and let them have grandson. I have found a partner, but I'm honest I told her I must go transition, see if you could accept or not before talking marriage. And you know as my family is almost police family usually well respected in China, maybe was in her consideration? And she said "Ok, I'll just convince you never think transition, and we proceed with marriage." At the same time, I discovered affair and exposed, and pa has mafia( police is biggest mafia in China ) friends hurting me and mom. I endured, collected evidence looking to proceed legal solution. The local county police department could easily stall, extinguish any legal action I was trying, but this is also time when Chairman XI started anti-corruption campaign. I've zero interest in politics. And I know MSM may labelled XI as dictator, evil person, anti-corruption campaign is just to remove his opposition - BUT anti-corruption campaign had huge real impact. Even county police department don't want another "internal troublemaker" at the time, and in the end seems they don't want more trouble and convinced my parent paid me some compensation to settle, but from then mostly cut off all family connections.
I been to Thailand Dr.Suporn and success transitioned( and my partner adamantly rejects, divorced ), all my painful than terminal dicease, self tortuing suffering no doctor could ever treat, but now suddenly gone, ALL-GONE you remember all those strange self-tortuing, OCD, impairment I said before I've no idea and doctors are complete unhelpful at all? ALL-IMMEDIATELY GONE because mind-body rid of contradiction. Consistency rules it's like mathematics, incomplete theory is zero issue and even fun; but inconsistent theory - worthless not even wrong. My hearts became sole heart and at peace. I said Chinese gov and legal not that evil, but only Chinese folks are largely hostile. And although openmindedness very slowly improving, but even govs are increasingly hostile - as you know, govs are in the end, still comprised by normal people as civil service officers. You could say Chinois gov is increasingly exemplary democratic, because gov is increasingly as evil as majority Chinois folks, almost perfect representation I'd say could be much better than US of A. Chinese gov officers and chiefs are not some upperclassman or rich congress person if you think of <legistrator>, they are just same normie hostile and narrowminded people, like everyone daily citizens, almost perfect representation. As such I'm really scared go back to there, and tried to maybe work in Thailand, LGBT+ legal isn't much better than Chinois but folks are less hostile and more used to me. Btw. even I'm done surgery mtf, but I'm still closeted as m. I'm simply too scarred and scared to persecution. Transition set my heart and mind free, that's more than good enough I could endure closeted, plus parents' compensation wasn't generous, I'm now a loner pauper and no more fund to proceed breast or facial.
I've been accomplished as automation engineer and CAD/CAM developer, still a pauper loser but still alive. But am too scarred and scared sensitive to fellow homo sapiens. All my jobs are very accomplished but bad turn out, many because I can't social 'correctly' with bosses colleagues, but also some were kind-hearted and simply because my bad luck. Long story short, after some fought with a ( big, going public fully-Thai company, but controlled by ) Chinois boss and colleagues, I tried contact lawyer and seek arbitration, and soon I ended up in a strange "accident". I was drugged again 7 days complete lost memory, same heavy-fever like symptoms, same dirty smooth muscle incapatation( damn if you're kidnapping people at least cover up better, more generous Naloxone de-sedation will ya??! ), Oh same familiar feelings - but in a different country, with different p-mafia ( I accessed my location logger, I was unconscious in a county p-department, with zero injuries except a very strange surgical like scar on my chin-neck. They said my car smashed into some lorry then I fell unconscious. But my car suspiciously has left driver's door-lock broken, while only right side was hurt. And even warped right passenger door lock is A-OK. Stainless manifold cracked and splinters inside turbine housing but turbine vanes not even a scratch! Wow I was driving so gently turbine not turning FAST? And that 'lorry' has not hurt at all, it has no payload at all, but rear steel fence lowered down and crushed into my car - almost like purposed reversed into a stopped parked vehicle target. And you know what, I had been run-over by a lorry as mentioned before my transition, and heavily injured, but not fell unconscious for 7 days - I woke in 10-15 minutes witnesses told me. And strangely this time nothing was robbed - I'm a pauper with no money after all. But even my car wreck has nothing - no valuable parts were stolen. So it is never robbery - I've zero evidence, I'm a powerless loner, I won't accuse and shame anyone. It's just strange p-department involved in 7-days unconsciousness and strange obvious side-effects, so dramatic but nothing stolen at all( only asking me for "compensation to lorry" I never paid they asked in full, only paid cash I had to get outta the dangerous situation; and wasn't contacted by p-department at all after ), only car-cam memory card( actually it wasn't recording, but I guess someone ... ) and job issued cellphone completely shattered. Wow;... Only this time isn't because my gender( plus I'm closeted as m ), but my awkward poor social would mostly still because the deep gender-persecution scarring.
I'm still a bad luck person struggle to wondering alive... But you know what, as long as no mind-body contradiction, even this is complete acceptable I could bit and wrying a smile. Plus I already reconciled with my parents. They never really accepted, but reconciled and helped me in recent difficulties. Many kindred hearted colleagues and shared hobby friends, they also gave me huge help and encouragements! Since my mind at peace no contradictions anymore, even steep uphill struggling were memories so fullfilled bittersweet, whenever I recalling it.
So that's my stance: even as loner pauper struggling to alive, though extremely bitter, still atleast A-MILLION TIMES better compare to any de-transition. Atleast for me, de-transition means self destruction, and to go out, not even go out in peace, it'll be go out in unimaginable torture coming and coming... That's my conclusion and I've no dare to try it ever.
Chinois folks, many were extremely hostile to minority ( they called 'abnormal', 'hentai', and 'beep' and 'beep'... ); because they never know the extreme pain and never even trying to understand it. They think mind-body contradiction or GID as 'just some strange thinking then asking for undeserved privilege'... They don't know the actual everyday physical pains and exhaustion, plus suffering prejuidice persecution and bullying and everything, They never know so many people are struggling and fail to be alive. They always think 'just some normie people strange thinking and asking undeserved priviledges'. Yeah you see I wrote twice, because since Mr. Dump as potus you see people, even in relative open-minded developed country people are increasingly backslashed more like hostile Chinois folks. It's scary. It's CHILLING scary. It's like reverse time travelled to some very narrow minded conservative history, but they somehow possess all AIs, advanced weaponary, and even off the shelf pagers could explode in your face. I'll be irresponsible and continue closeted hidden, my mind already at peace, I've no other desire. I could only hope for a <unlikely> bright future - people are still praising freedom and help each other right? Still praising kindness and compassion as positive right?
I know some might thought oh so dramatic unrealistic, well every one up to their own. I know I'm mostly honest( ...there WERE ugly details I would never wanna mention ). I understand people won't believe. It's difficult to believe something too off-average; but pains exist, extreme difficulties and suffering for some people exist and is everyday life, I'm nowhere near the most tortured - many of them are gone. Forever. Some people maybe openminded and view with reasoning examination, some folks 'just some normie person strange thinking and saying' never try to even consider those people could only struggling exhausted to even near their "percieved normal life". Life is not fair. I'm somehow very lucky got transitioned, I'm happy, fullfilled, Imma full of hope of myself, of course I would never de-transition. Yeah always openminded, I could should try to understand reasonable reasons might exist for de-transition?..., but if most are or could linked with sadness stories? -- I FOUGHT AGAINST
