The world in a puddle 最近码的几行字 上了首页 显摆一把
发表于 ： 2022年 10月 6日 11:56
The world in a puddle
A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail
A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-painted peak
countless steps
countless splashes
A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
In his eyes, young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its white crown
shining in the infinite azure of sky
© a month ago
Like (9)
Likes: Sand Singer, the purple parrot, kaye, Oméga.á.m., Illegal Love, S. Sharpe, Devon Campbell, Malenny, Jessica BushTo reply, click a comment.
Oméga.á.m. - Very vivid and beautiful poetry composition
Devon Campbell - Great imagery and brevity, thanks for sharing
Illegal Love - Awe this is a cute poem.
Amazing
Malenny - love this!
the purple parrot - Not only is this first rate - but the sort of poem I would like to have written - my only qualm (forgive!) is that 1 or 2 of the lines are unnecessary or that the poem could have been a little tighter - but without doubt - what can I say
xxx - Thank you, Simon, your encouraging words and sincere feedback, could you specify which lines are undesirable? Thanks in advance
the purple parrot - It's hard to say which lines are undesirable, but if you will allow, I understand your history. You are writing in the style of the ancients when your country were the greatest in the world. The only difference between this poem and one of theirs is, not so much the use of cliche - the snow-covered mountain - but, essentially - it may sound stupid - but there are too many words. If I were to offer advice, rather than be specific about which words, I would beg you to think of your pieces as shining, sharp diamonds onto which, unfortunately, you have poured a little oil.
xxx - Really appreciate your insightful feedback, i need to think hard to remove the grease, very likely true i subconsiously follow the ancient, somewhat being lazy. Thanks Simon!
S. Sharpe - nice both on attentiveness and reflection of the beauty in anything and everything
A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail
A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-painted peak
countless steps
countless splashes
A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
In his eyes, young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its white crown
shining in the infinite azure of sky
© a month ago
Like (9)
Likes: Sand Singer, the purple parrot, kaye, Oméga.á.m., Illegal Love, S. Sharpe, Devon Campbell, Malenny, Jessica BushTo reply, click a comment.
Oméga.á.m. - Very vivid and beautiful poetry composition
Devon Campbell - Great imagery and brevity, thanks for sharing
Illegal Love - Awe this is a cute poem.
Amazing
Malenny - love this!
the purple parrot - Not only is this first rate - but the sort of poem I would like to have written - my only qualm (forgive!) is that 1 or 2 of the lines are unnecessary or that the poem could have been a little tighter - but without doubt - what can I say
xxx - Thank you, Simon, your encouraging words and sincere feedback, could you specify which lines are undesirable? Thanks in advance
the purple parrot - It's hard to say which lines are undesirable, but if you will allow, I understand your history. You are writing in the style of the ancients when your country were the greatest in the world. The only difference between this poem and one of theirs is, not so much the use of cliche - the snow-covered mountain - but, essentially - it may sound stupid - but there are too many words. If I were to offer advice, rather than be specific about which words, I would beg you to think of your pieces as shining, sharp diamonds onto which, unfortunately, you have poured a little oil.
xxx - Really appreciate your insightful feedback, i need to think hard to remove the grease, very likely true i subconsiously follow the ancient, somewhat being lazy. Thanks Simon!
S. Sharpe - nice both on attentiveness and reflection of the beauty in anything and everything