The world in a puddle 最近码的几行字 上了首页 显摆一把

[Nola1998]

The world in a puddle

A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail

A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-painted peak
countless steps
countless splashes

A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
In his eyes, young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its white crown
shining in the infinite azure of sky

© a month ago
Like (9)

Likes: Sand Singer, the purple parrot, kaye, Oméga.á.m., Illegal Love, S. Sharpe, Devon Campbell, Malenny, Jessica BushTo reply, click a comment.

Oméga.á.m. - Very vivid and beautiful poetry composition


Devon Campbell - Great imagery and brevity, thanks for sharing


Illegal Love - Awe this is a cute poem.

Amazing



Malenny - love this!


the purple parrot - Not only is this first rate - but the sort of poem I would like to have written - my only qualm (forgive!) is that 1 or 2 of the lines are unnecessary or that the poem could have been a little tighter - but without doubt - what can I say

xxx - Thank you, Simon, your encouraging words and sincere feedback, could you specify which lines are undesirable? Thanks in advance

the purple parrot - It's hard to say which lines are undesirable, but if you will allow, I understand your history. You are writing in the style of the ancients when your country were the greatest in the world. The only difference between this poem and one of theirs is, not so much the use of cliche - the snow-covered mountain - but, essentially - it may sound stupid - but there are too many words. If I were to offer advice, rather than be specific about which words, I would beg you to think of your pieces as shining, sharp diamonds onto which, unfortunately, you have poured a little oil.


xxx - Really appreciate your insightful feedback, i need to think hard to remove the grease, very likely true i subconsiously follow the ancient, somewhat being lazy. Thanks Simon!

S. Sharpe - nice both on attentiveness and reflection of the beauty in anything and everything

[Skl]

尼玛! 不错！！

[wh]

The world in a puddle

A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail

A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-painted peak
countless steps
countless splashes

A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
In his eyes, young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its white crown
shining in the infinite azure of sky

想起Emily Dickinson的那首石子纳须弥：
How happy is the little Stone
That rambles in the Road alone,
And doesn't care about Careers
And Exigencies never fears—
Whose Coat of elemental Brown
A passing Universe put on,
And independent as the Sun
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute Decree
In casual simplicity—

她好像比你更有宗教情怀。你是白描，有王维风格，呵呵。

[Nola1998]

尼玛! 不错！！

谢谢！问好十克拉兄！

[Nola1998]

想起Emily Dickinson的那首石子纳须弥：
How happy is the little Stone
That rambles in the Road alone,
And doesn't care about Careers
And Exigencies never fears—
Whose Coat of elemental Brown
A passing Universe put on,
And independent as the Sun
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute Decree
In casual simplicity—

她好像比你更有宗教情怀。你是白描，有王维风格，呵呵。

能被联想到ED和王维，真是荣幸，又能在这灌水，真 fun