Re: 《穿过大半个中国去睡你》的英译版
发表于 ： 2023年 3月 15日 11:07
哦。这些以前常听说，后来听到的少了，不知道是不是有好转？
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Re: 《穿过大半个中国去睡你》的英译版
发表于 ： 2023年 3月 15日 18:40
虚心接受 认真对待 懒得再改wh. 写了： 2023年 3月 14日 10:25 前面四段节奏感很强！
后三段里，hook it with you是不是应该hook up with you？
“I am against hail of bullets ”——be动词比较静态哦，原文的“穿过”感觉还是用个有力的动词更给力；
“create a dawn, came after thousands of dark nights”——好像也有点稀释原诗的力量，本来是“把无数的黑夜摁进一个黎明”，感觉是把一大堆东西揉成一团扔出去。现在顺序颠倒了，好像没了孤注一掷的力量？
“countless shadows of mine rush into a unique one bright”——前面我觉得比原来的翻译好，贴切也地道。就是bright好像有点突兀？明白是押韵，就是从语义上来说好像不如去掉；
后面一段的Avignon好像一下子突破语境了。Avignon在英语里有故乡的意思？对我来说比较陌生，这句翻译就不知所指了。
最后一段，“makes me to hook it with you”——是不是makes me want to hook up with you更合语法？
——一个诗盲敬上
Avignon一是个人偏爱，二是Cyber任性，三是这个小城，必须是一些人的故乡。故乡故乡，一些人的somewhere，也不过是另一些人的nowhere
--不知所以的另一个诗盲敬上
Re: 《穿过大半个中国去睡你》的英译版
发表于 ： 2023年 3月 15日 19:09
GPT-4:
In fact, sleeping with you and being slept with by you are almost the same, nothing more than
The force of two bodies colliding, nothing more than the blossoms urged by this force
Nothing more than the spring that these flowers simulate, making us believe life has been reopened
In more than half of China, everything is happening: volcanoes are erupting, rivers are drying
Some neglected political prisoners and refugees
Deer and cranes on the path of gun muzzles
I go through gunfire and rain of bullets to sleep with you
I press countless nights into a single dawn to sleep with you
I run as countless selves to become one self to sleep with you
Of course, I will also be led astray by some butterflies
Taking some praises as spring
Taking a village similar to Hengdian as my hometown
And they
Are all indispensable reasons for me to sleep with you
In fact, sleeping with you and being slept with by you are almost the same, nothing more than
The force of two bodies colliding, nothing more than the blossoms urged by this force
Nothing more than the spring that these flowers simulate, making us believe life has been reopened
In more than half of China, everything is happening: volcanoes are erupting, rivers are drying
Some neglected political prisoners and refugees
Deer and cranes on the path of gun muzzles
I go through gunfire and rain of bullets to sleep with you
I press countless nights into a single dawn to sleep with you
I run as countless selves to become one self to sleep with you
Of course, I will also be led astray by some butterflies
Taking some praises as spring
Taking a village similar to Hengdian as my hometown
And they
Are all indispensable reasons for me to sleep with you