《穿过大半个中国去睡你》的英译版

[montauk]

机器翻得太硬 此睡非彼睡

[wh]

I had to brave through bullets to sleep with you
I had to press innumerable nights into one dawn to sleep with you
I had to combine all my lusts into one desire to sleep with you

赞，前两句很准确。就是最后一句有点发挥哦。原句也确实难翻，numerous I's感觉怪怪的。

[wh]

To lay you or be/get laid by you

嗯这个词好，语气也和睡差不多。而且跨语言押韵，哈哈哈。

[wh]

DL是啥？

DL translator
In fact, sleeping with you and being slept by you are similar, it's just
The force of the collision of two bodies is nothing but the flower that is blossomed by this force
It is only the virtual spring of this flower that makes us think that life has been reopened.
Half of China, everything is happening: volcanoes are erupting, rivers are drying up.
Political prisoners and exiles who are not cared for
Moose and cranes at gunpoint all the way
I am going through the gunfire to sleep with you
I am pressing countless nights into a dawn to sleep with you
I am a million of me running into one me to sleep with you
Of course I was led astray by some butterflies
Take some praise as spring
Think of a village similar to Hengdian as my hometown
And they
are the essential reasons for me to sleep with you

[wh]

你问问ChatGPT，呵呵。
是不是保持原诗的节奏更好，把断开的几行并一块？听上去也有气势哦，像机关枪啪啪啪打一梭子弹……

To lay you, or to be laid by you,
that makes no difference.
It's just
the force of two bodies banging,
and the flower opened by this force.
It is just
the springtime virtualized by the flower
that we mistake for a new opening of life.

其实，可以问问chatGPT，看AI怎么翻译

[wh]

这个是paraphrasing，意思都对，就是像散文了。

Google Translate给的翻译

In fact, sleeping with you is almost the same as being slept with by you, nothing more than
The force of the collision of two bodies is nothing more than the flower that this force urges to bloom
It's nothing more than the virtual spring of this flower that makes us think that life has been reopened
In most of China, everything is happening: volcanoes are erupting, rivers are drying up
Some political prisoners and refugees who are not cared about
Elk and red-crowned cranes at the muzzle
I went through a hail of bullets to sleep with you
I pressed countless nights into one dawn to sleep with you
I am countless I run into one I go to sleep with you
Of course I'll be led astray by some butterflies
treat some praise as spring
Take a village similar to Hengdian as my hometown
and they
It's all the reasons why I go to sleep and you are indispensable

[wh]

哈哈哈 It is a god damn thin line between disturbing and flirting

那就找个same-sex non-homo问……越来越难找了。

[datoumao]

【我骑着草泥马去上你】

-大头猫


其实，上与被上差别不大，无非是
换个姿势继续交欢
无非是你上我下看着你狂驰
无非是你前我后回眸原始

红朝古都
啥事都不稀罕
东方醒狮
走回了非洲

一路桥墩下比惨叩头的年少乞丐
一路电杆上开满天真依稀的笑容

我是穿过墙国的围城去上你
我是把憋了一路的怒火化作欲火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你
当然我也会被皮条客们拉进胡同
误把中华鳖精当成了伟哥
误把少民妹子当成了白牛
而这些
都是我在约炮路上必经过的特色

[YWY]

【我骑着草泥马去约炮】

-大头猫


其实，上你与你上差别不大，无非是
换个姿势继续交欢
无非是我上你下原地奔驰
无非是你后我前佯装回归原始

红朝古都，啥事都可发生：东方醒狮 走回非洲
电杆下忙碌着比惨叩头的年少乞丐
电杆上开满了一张张天真残破的笑容

我是穿过墙国的墙城去上你
我是把憋了一路的欲火化作怒火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你
当然我也会被皮条客们拉进胡同
误把中华鳖精当成了伟哥
误把少民妹子当成了白牛
而这些
都是我在约炮路上必经过的特色

大头猫你男的女的？搞反了吧。。。

如果你是男的，还想体现“上”与“被上”的差别，可以说

无非是你上我下原地奔驰
无非是你前我后佯装回归原始

[datoumao]

大头猫你男的女的？搞反了吧。。。

如果你是男的，还想体现“上”与“被上”的差别，可以说

无非是你上我下原地奔驰
无非是你前我后佯装回归原始

改了

[YWY]

改了

换了角度，怎么还是“误把少民妹子当成了白牛”，搞蕾丝吗？

[datoumao]

换了角度，怎么还是“误把少民妹子当成了白牛”，搞蕾丝吗？

刚意识到，还是得按你说的改就通了

【我骑着草泥马去上你】

-大头猫


其实，上与被上差别不大，无非是
换个姿势继续交欢
无非是你上我下原地奔驰
无非是你前我后佯装回归原始

红朝古都，啥事都不稀罕：东方醒狮 走回非洲
一路桥墩下比惨叩头的年少乞丐
一路电杆上开满天真残破的笑容

我是穿过墙国的围城去上你
我是把憋了一路的欲火化作怒火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你
当然我也会被皮条客们拉进胡同
误把中华鳖精当成了伟哥
误把少民妹子当成了白牛
而这些
都是我在约炮路上必经过的特色

[YWY]

【我骑着草泥马千里送比】

-大头猫


其实，被你上与上你差别不大，无非是
换个姿势继续交欢
无非是我上你下原地奔驰
无非是你后我前佯装回归原始

红朝古都，啥事都可发生：东方醒狮 走回非洲
一路桥墩下比惨叩头的年少乞丐
一路电杆上开满天真残破的笑容

我是穿过墙国的墙城去上你
我是把憋了一路的欲火化作怒火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你
当然我也会被皮条客们拉进胡同
误把中华鳖精当成了伟哥
误把少民妹子当成了白牛
而这些
都是我在约炮路上必经过的特色

你那三句去上你的排比，很给力！想针砭时弊的话，可以再推敲一些

我是穿过墙国的墙城去上你
我是把憋了一路的怒火化作欲火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你

[datoumao]

你那三句去上你的排比，很给力！想针砭时弊的话，可以再推敲一些

我是穿过墙国的墙城去上你
我是把憋了一路的怒火化作欲火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你

同意

[montauk]

嗯。还挺难找的……要找个学文的、最好是写诗的问，不然太disturbing

看看这个词行不行。。。

It doesn't matter
to fuck or to be fucked, whatever
two naked bodies are colliding
forcibly and violently
flowers are blooming

Elusive spring appears
along with those flowers
we were being deceived
life would be regenerated

World, the major pieces
everything everywhere all at once
volcanoes erupted
now and then
waterway become dried

Political prisoners
vagabonds and wanderers, who cares
elks and red-crowned cranes
under the guns

I am against hail of bullets
on my way to hook it with you
create a dawn, came after thousands of dark nights
I am running to hook it with you
countless shadows of mine rush into a unique one bright
I am dashing down hooking it with you

In some cases, inevitably would I
be allured by butterflies to a deviation
perceive the appraisals as a spring season
see a Hengdian alike village as Avignon

Nevertheless, all of them
every and each one of them
makes me to hook it with you
all the more reason
to hook it with you

[wh]

“一路桥墩下比惨叩头的年少乞丐
一路电杆上开满天真残破的笑容”
这是什么典故？

【我骑着草泥马去上你】

-大头猫


其实，上与被上差别不大，无非是
换个姿势继续交欢
无非是你上我下原地奔驰
无非是你前我后佯装回归原始

红朝古都，啥事都可发生：东方醒狮 走回非洲
一路桥墩下比惨叩头的年少乞丐
一路电杆上开满天真残破的笑容

我是穿过墙国的墙城去上你
我是把憋了一路的怒火化作欲火去上你
我是把亿万匹草泥马跑成了赤兔去上你
当然我也会被皮条客们拉进胡同
误把中华鳖精当成了伟哥
误把少民妹子当成了白牛
而这些
都是我在约炮路上必经过的特色

[wh]

前面四段节奏感很强！

后三段里，hook it with you是不是应该hook up with you？

“I am against hail of bullets ”——be动词比较静态哦，原文的“穿过”感觉还是用个有力的动词更给力；

“create a dawn, came after thousands of dark nights”——好像也有点稀释原诗的力量，本来是“把无数的黑夜摁进一个黎明”，感觉是把一大堆东西揉成一团扔出去。现在顺序颠倒了，好像没了孤注一掷的力量？

“countless shadows of mine rush into a unique one bright”——前面我觉得比原来的翻译好，贴切也地道。就是bright好像有点突兀？明白是押韵，就是从语义上来说好像不如去掉；

后面一段的Avignon好像一下子突破语境了。Avignon在英语里有故乡的意思？对我来说比较陌生，这句翻译就不知所指了。

最后一段，“makes me to hook it with you”——是不是makes me want to hook up with you更合语法？

——一个诗盲敬上

看看这个词行不行。。。

It doesn't matter
to fuck or to be fucked, whatever
two naked bodies are colliding
forcibly and violently
flowers are blooming

Elusive spring appears
along with those flowers
we were being deceived
life would be regenerated

World, the major pieces
everything everywhere all at once
volcanoes erupted
now and then
waterway become dried

Political prisoners
vagabonds and wanderers, who cares
elks and red-crowned cranes
under the guns

I am against hail of bullets
on my way to hook it with you
create a dawn, came after thousands of dark nights
I am running to hook it with you
countless shadows of mine rush into a unique one bright
I am dashing down hooking it with you

In some cases, inevitably would I
be allured by butterflies to a deviation
perceive the appraisals as a spring season
see a Hengdian alike village as Avignon

Nevertheless, all of them
every and each one of them
makes me to hook it with you
all the more reason
to hook it with you

[wh]

换了角度，怎么还是“误把少民妹子当成了白牛”，搞蕾丝吗？

话说新疆那边的少数民族是不是就是白种人啊？

[YWY]

话说新疆那边的少数民族是不是就是白种人啊？

应该更接近西方人，我觉得。

[datoumao]

“一路桥墩下比惨叩头的年少乞丐
一路电杆上开满天真残破的笑容”
这是什么典故？

折青枝听说过没有 就是丐帮把小孩拐走打断手脚让他们去卖惨乞讨，电线杆上是失踪儿童寻人启事